So that our knowledge and skills don’t shrivel and decay, psychotherapists like myself have to regularly take continuing education training. I recently took a multi-day training on treating victims of a certain type of abusive relationship, also known as a pathological love relationship or narcissistic abuse. Quickly into the training, I learned that I wasn’t being instructed in how to identify and treat people in these relationships but how to identify and treat women in these relationships.
A perfunctory disclaimer was given stating that the group’s research was on women as victims and men as the pathological partners but that the dynamic could be reversed as well. There was no curiosity about how often males are victims; the possibility that the male experience as victim could be different than the female experience; or whether a female pathological partner exhibits different behaviors than a male one.
“research consistently finds that compared to males, females evoke greater instincts of empathy, care, and protection.”
Although disappointing, this was not surprising. A recent review paper by researchers Maja Graso and Tania Reynolds titled A Feminine Advantage in the Domain of Harm: A Review and Path Forward shows that research consistently finds that compared to males, females evoke greater instincts of empathy, care, and protection. Moreover, it is easier for individuals to typecast females as victims and males as perpetrators.
The researchers convincingly make their case citing numerous examples. Two studies find that people are more willing to sacrifice a man’s life than a woman’s in ethical dilemmas where they can end a life to save others. When viewing pictures of men and women in pain, greater concern is reported for women. In a study where individuals could gain financially from inflicting pain on others, they harmed male targets more whereas they chose to receive less money to shield women from pain.
In scenarios of identical mistreatment from a same-gender friend, people felt less sympathy and were more dismissive to men compared to women. Study subjects were more willing to support a drug that provided overall benefits but had side effects for men versus one that had the same benefits and disproportionate side effects for women.
“people ‘overestimate the degree of hiring discrimination against women and underestimate the degree of discrimination against men.’”
In discussing research about hiring discrimination, Graso and Reynolds state that “[p]eople more strongly believe women’s under-representation in male-dominated fields (e.g., engineering) reflects societal discrimination and warrants social action compared with men’s under-representation in female-dominated fields (e.g., nursing).” Furthermore, people “overestimate the degree of hiring discrimination against women and underestimate the degree of discrimination against men.”
Graso and Reynolds also discuss sexual harassment, stating that “[e]xperiments reveal people perceive the same actions as more sexist, harassing, and insulting when they are committed by a man than a woman,” and that “people desire harsher punishments and are less willing to forgive a man (versus a woman) who makes a potentially inappropriate comment at the workplace.”
In both mock juror experiments and in real life courtrooms, males receive harsher treatment even when accounting for the defendants’ criminal record and the nature of the crime (in case you didn’t think there were enough links in that sentence, here is another mock juror study, and three more real world analyses).
Of particular relevance to my training, Graso and Reynolds also note that “male victims of female-perpetrated intimate partner violence are met with ridicule, doubt and minimization, despite evidence suggesting women commit intimate partner violence at similar rates to men.”
In my training, I was instructed that the perpetrator profile we were studying was that of individuals with narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders because they were the most dangerous. Research shows, however, that it is borderline and antisocial personality disorders that exhibit the most psychological and physical abuse in romantic relationships.
I suspect this discrepancy stems from the female favoring biases discussed in the Graso and Reynolds paper. Narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders are found more in males, who are more easily viewed as perpetrators, and borderline personality disorder is generally considered to occur more often in females, who are more easily viewed as victims.
[Male therapy clients’] “responses transformed from helpful but tepid support offered to their brothers to righteous paternal love and anger, sometimes through tears, on behalf of their sisters”.
This blind spot may inadvertently disadvantage many women in pathological relationships as well because although borderline personality disorder is diagnosed more in females, studies show roughly equal prevalence in males and females. One more place where these biases may appear is that treatment protocols for borderline personality disorder are developed and researched using mostly female patients, and unsurprisingly typical treatments don’t work as well with males.
I’ve noticed this female advantage in my clinical work, too, like in clinical exercises drawing on Solomon’s Paradox, which refers to the consistent and reliable finding that people reason better about others’ problems compared to their own.
Solomon’s Paradox is why therapists often ask questions to force the client to view their situation from another perspective—questions like, “What would you say to a friend in the same situation?” “What would you say to yourself if you were your own coach or mentor?” Or controversial psychologist Jordan Peterson’s uncontroversial suggestion to “[t]reat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping.”
Using this principle, I ask my clients in pathological relationships to imagine what they would think of a loved one in a similar relationship. In the past, I would have them imagine someone of the same gender, assuming similarity of the hypothetical protagonist would be most effective, but it was never as powerful an exercise with men. After learning about these female-favoring biases, I began to ask male clients about their sisters instead of their brothers. Their responses transformed from helpful but tepid support offered to their brothers to righteous paternal love and anger, sometimes through tears, on behalf of their sisters.
After these thought experiments, some male clients express the same bias plaguing their relationships: As men, they are supposed to persevere through the pain, confessing that they are not worth the same consideration as women, not deserving of the same love and respect as the other half of the species.
Today, these biases intersect with a myriad of struggles befalling contemporary men. Contrary to the zero-sum thinking that rampages through our gender discourse, we need each other—helping half of society invariably helps the other half. A protective impulse toward women may certainly be healthy, and most would give the caveat that it need not be patronizing to our sisters. Perhaps we should add that it should never sanction the neglect of our brothers.
Scroll down to join the discussion
Disclaimer: This article is for information purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, legal advice, or other professional opinion. Never disregard such advice because of this article or anything else you have read from the Centre for Male Psychology. The views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of, or are endorsed by, The Centre for Male Psychology, and we cannot be held responsible for these views. Read our full disclaimer here.
Like our articles?
Click here to subscribe to our FREE newsletter and be first
to hear about news, events, and publications.
When a male is in a power imbalance, at least two masculine instincts are disempowered…
…people – men and women alike – respond less positively to male-favouring sex differences than they do to female-favouring sex differences.
hyper-masculine gender norms are typically embedded within military institutions, and while adherence to these norms can contribute to combat and military success, they conversely make clinical work challenging
Men might benefit greatly from a government strategy aimed at improving their health. Here are suggestions from the Centre for Male Psychology on how that might be done. This article ends with some comments on potential pitfalls in the process of putting this strategy in place.
…people – men and women alike – respond less positively to male-favouring sex differences than they do to female-favouring sex differences.
… many papers do not even bother to identify or justify the nationality of their samples…
hyper-masculine gender norms are typically embedded within military institutions, and while adherence to these norms can contribute to combat and military success, they conversely make clinical work challenging
Have you got something to say?
Check out our submissions page to find out how to write for us.
hyper-masculine gender norms are typically embedded within military institutions, and while adherence to these norms can contribute to combat and military success, they conversely make clinical work challenging
hyper-masculine gender norms are typically embedded within military institutions, and while adherence to these norms can contribute to combat and military success, they conversely make clinical work challenging
hyper-masculine gender norms are typically embedded within military institutions, and while adherence to these norms can contribute to combat and military success, they conversely make clinical work challenging
hyper-masculine gender norms are typically embedded within military institutions, and while adherence to these norms can contribute to combat and military success, they conversely make clinical work challenging
hyper-masculine gender norms are typically embedded within military institutions, and while adherence to these norms can contribute to combat and military success, they conversely make clinical work challenging
Much of our attitudes, theorizing and public debate around men and masculinity is influenced by high profile feminist and Gender Studies scholars in academia. But what is the scientific quality of publications from these scholars?
Some people blame drill music – a form of rap - for the rising murder rate in London. Drill is known for aggressive lyrics about gang violence, but rather than seeing this as a valuable way for young men to express their feelings, some people want to ban it.
To survive… cultures have to use men and women effectively and … in fact, most cultures have used men and women in different ways… what our culture does is [grant] greater status to men and greater protection to women
hyper-masculine gender norms are typically embedded within military institutions, and while adherence to these norms can contribute to combat and military success, they conversely make clinical work challenging
There are around 300,000 veterans living with hearing loss in the UK, according to The Royal British Legion. In addition to being at a greater risk of PTSD, depression, and anxiety, many vets are also battling psychological distress from hearing problems.
The book begins with a description of her therapeutic approach, and an illustration of how to understand and work with the rage often seen in male CSA clients.
I felt in my dealings with some police officers, as though I were treated firstly as a man (assumed to be a perpetrator), but they’d overlooked risks associated with my impairment. Example: How can you dodge a missile you don’t see coming?
The Panorama programme on domestic violence failed to adequately highlight two important issues: male victims and female perpetrators.
your photograph, name and address, might appear in the local and national press and on TV, insinuating what an evil monster you are
…an attack upon masculinity is an attack upon one’s sense of self, of identity. …What, then, is the right psychological defence against such an attack?
The male has been designed to “look”, not only at the female, but to “look out” for prey, for danger, and for ways to protect his family unit.
If his child is allowed to live, this man must be available, for the rest of his life, to love and provide for his child… If, on the other hand, it is decided that his child is to be destroyed, he should be able to go about his life as if nothing has happened
Socialising is a basic human need. The opposite – social isolation – is one of the worst forms of torture. Some people look down on the local pub as a place for undesirable riff raff, but that narrow viewpoint misses entirely the community value of the pub
Male psychology is a recent development in academia. Unlike gender studies, feminism, and men’s studies, male psychology takes the view that we can gain more by recognising and harnessing the positive aspects of masculinity than we can by taking a relentlessly negative approach to men.
.
