‘Some guys have all the luck’. Bachelorette Parties, Lonely Boys, and De Facto Polygyny.
Image: Image suggested by John Barry and created using AI image generation (ChatGPT).
In contemporary Western societies, patterns of sexual and romantic behaviour have produced what some observers describe as de facto polygyny: a relatively small percentage of high-value men receive disproportionate sexual and romantic access, while many average men experience reduced opportunities for relationships. This dynamic has measurable consequences for male psychology, including elevated loneliness, social isolation, and risks to mental health.
Bachelorette parties and related female behaviours can illustrate these selective patterns.
Behaviours Observed at Bachelorette Parties
Bachelorette parties have evolved from relatively restrained pre-wedding celebrations into events that frequently feature male strippers or exotic dancers. While many remain light-hearted, numerous accounts from performers, attendees, and online discussions describe more explicit interactions, particularly in private or home settings.
“Society frequently frames such behaviour as an empowering ‘last hurrah’, while equivalent male behaviour at bachelor parties attracts sharper criticism.”
Reports describe aggressive physical contact, including grabbing, pressing faces into the crotch area, spanking, and similar acts. Kissing, licking (sometimes with edible props), and oral sex performed by women on the performers appear repeatedly. In some cases, these interactions progress further in private. Group dynamics often intensify the experience, with multiple women interacting with one performer while others encourage participation. Same-sex contact among the women themselves is also commonly reported.
These accounts are largely anecdotal and do not describe every event. Many parties remain theatrical or restrained. Nevertheless, recurring reports suggest that in certain younger or urban circles the events function as outlets for sexual gratification through collective access to high-value male performers. Society frequently frames such behaviour as an empowering ‘last hurrah’, while equivalent male behaviour at bachelor parties attracts sharper criticism.
The Broader Pattern: Sharing High-Value Men
Similar dynamics appear in everyday mating behaviour. Large-scale data from dating platforms show that women, on average, rate the majority of male profiles as below average in attractiveness and concentrate attention on a smaller high-value tier. This creates a winner-take-most environment in which higher-value men receive abundant options, including casual encounters and concurrent arrangements, while many other men receive little interest.
Some women appear to maintain access to more sexually desirable men while partnering with more stable partners for resources, emotional support, or long-term security. Reports of casual phases, concurrent partners, and paid encounters with high-value male performers fit this pattern of selective female attention. Interest concentrates on sexually attractive men; when direct access to such men is limited, some women obtain it through group events or paid arrangements. The result is that a relatively small number of higher-value men receive sexual interest from multiple women, while many average men receive little. At bachelorette events, performers have described married or engaged women participating enthusiastically, sometimes treating the experience as a final fling or occasional outlet.
In these cases, a high-value man may supply sexual gratification while another man supplies stability or resources. When this occurs inside what the second man believes is an exclusive relationship, it undermines the reciprocity that pair-bonding requires and often weakens the sexual relationship with that partner, leaving him bearing costs without the corresponding benefits.
Psychological Consequences for Men
These modern mating-market patterns have implications for male psychology. Young men currently report higher rates of loneliness than young women in several large datasets. Gallup data, for example, found that 25% of US men aged 15–34 reported feeling lonely a lot of the previous day, compared with 18% of women in the same age group. The share of men reporting no close friends rose from 3% in 1990 to 15% in 2021, while the share with six or more close friends fell from 55% to 27%.
“Men who experience repeated rejection or remain outside pair-bonds for extended periods often report diminished self-worth, reduced motivation, and higher loneliness.”
Relationship status itself is strongly linked to men’s mental health. A 2025 meta-analysis of global data found that divorced men had nearly three times the odds of death by suicide compared with married men, and recently separated men—especially those under 35—faced even higher relative risk. Single and divorced men also show elevated rates of depressive symptoms in multiple studies.
Prolonged low mating success and thinner social networks can compound these effects. Men who experience repeated rejection or remain outside pair-bonds for extended periods often report diminished self-worth, reduced motivation, and higher loneliness. When higher-value men absorb a disproportionate share of female sexual and romantic attention, a larger pool of men is left with fewer pathways to the intimate relationships that research consistently links to better male mental health outcomes.
These outcomes are multifactorial. Economic pressures, educational barriers, technological changes and cultural shifts in relationships and gender expectations all contribute. Not every woman participates in concurrent or highly selective patterns, but the consequences for many men are significant.
Nevertheless, the current distribution of mating opportunities appears to leave a substantial minority of men with reduced access to relationships, physical affection, and the psychological benefits that typically accompany them.
Toward Honest Discourse
Bachelorette parties and the broader pattern of shared access to high-value men illustrate how gender equality and reliable birth control can restructure mating markets and relationships in ways that were not widely anticipated. Higher-value men gain abundant low-commitment access. While many women gain excitement, validation, gratification, and/or resources through selective channels, average men encounter exclusion from the relationships that remain central to well-being for most people.
Male psychology has long recognised the importance of social connection, status, and pair-bonding. The present mating market, and the loneliness and mental-health correlates that accompany low success for many men, deserve closer empirical and clinical attention. Greater transparency about how these markets actually function may help men, clinicians, and policymakers develop more realistic expectations and more effective forms of support.
Disclaimer: This article is for information purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, legal advice, or other professional opinion. Never disregard such advice because of this article or anything else you have read from the Centre for Male Psychology. The views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of, or are endorsed by, The Centre for Male Psychology, and we cannot be held responsible for these views. Read our full disclaimer here.
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Richard Procida
Richard Procida is an attorney, academic author of Social Issues in Global Perspective: Pornography (Lexington Books), and a writer on men’s issues, relationships, and social dynamics.
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