Exploring the Zeus and Hera Instincts: A Reflection on Reciprocity and Connection. (Part 5 of the 6-part ‘Chivalry and Endearment’ article series).
Image: Madonna and Child, by Gentileschi, circa 1612 (Creative Commons)
This is the fifth in a series of articles by Dr Dobransky covering the phases of Sexual, Emotional, and Intellectual Attraction. The previous articles in the series can be found here, here, here, and here.
Men often find themselves instinctively inclined to serve others due to what is commonly referred to as the Protector/Provider-Zeus Instinct. However, this inclination does not imply an endless willingness to engage in one-sided or uncompensated actions, where the arrangement feels perpetual and unjust.
In terms of reciprocity, the Zeus Instinct—symbolic of the act of providing and protecting—requires acknowledgment and appreciation. This appreciation is expressed through the affectionate and supportive nature of the Hera Instinct, as depicted in various narratives.
This exchange should not be perceived merely as a transaction but rather as a dance, akin to a courtship. If either partner falters, withholds affection, or excessively dominates the interaction, the delicate balance of the dance is disrupted, leading to a disjointed performance and potential breakdown of the relationship.
The interplay of endearment and effort encapsulates the essence of love and passion, uniting masculine energy (embodied by Zeus) and feminine essence (represented by Hera) into a harmonious partnership. In the initial stages of human courtship, as I elaborate elsewhere, these energies converge towards mutual attachment, underpinned by the evolutionary manifestation of "endearment," an innate feminine instinct toward the masculine.
Their interactions, characterized by passion and the joy of endearment towards each other, epitomize the core of love, which is defined on Romantipedia.com as "mutually uplifting each other's self-esteem and fostering happiness."
Heraldic Chivalry, by Mucha
Exploring how the Hera and Zeus Instincts shape individual dignity and psychological identity at a cultural level transcends mere explanation; it should be embraced with shared curiosity by individuals of all backgrounds.
“…the ancient Greeks seemed to unravel centuries ago what contemporary understanding now identifies as the primal instincts of masculinity and femininity.”
Employing Greek mythology allows me to articulate insights related to primitive instincts, which are also recognized in Jungian and Evolutionary Psychology, despite the temporal and cultural distinctions among them. While alternative mythologies—such as Ancient Chinese, Hindu, Mayan, or Norse beliefs—could serve a similar purpose, my expertise primarily lies within Greek mythology, intricately woven into modern storytelling and cinematic masterpieces.
Returning to Greek mythology, we encounter the gods of Olympus, including Zeus, who symbolizes the male instinct of protection and provision. In their wisdom, the ancient Greeks seemed to unravel centuries ago what contemporary understanding now identifies as the primal instincts of masculinity and femininity.
These are biologically sex-based instincts that govern not only general communication styles and the nuances of romantic courtship (which is the focus of my life’s work) but also influence everything from consumer spending patterns to political affiliations.
Endearment and Chivalry Are Mutually Dependent
Reflecting on the world's current state, I pondered the enduring bond between a man and a woman in love—the most resilient connection throughout human history.
In the midst of rush hour traffic at the week's end, engrossed in a phone conversation with a friend discussing the news and ongoing events, a moment of contemplation arose when he posed a thought-provoking question: What single experience encapsulates what seems absent in today's world?
Inwardly, I delved into memories of various life stages, mirroring the prevailing cultural atmosphere—a sense of manhood, an intangible essence.
Navigating through a tide of unsettling reflections, marked by rampant dishonor, ingratitude, and a fundamental lack of mutual understanding even in the simplest aspects of life where our differences subtly emerge, I grappled with these notions.
“…somewhere in his first days, the newborn male experiences the gentle caress of a woman's fingers on his scalp, fostering a sense of deep relaxation and euphoria. This fleeting sensation becomes a quest for a lifetime …The pursuit of such profound connection and tenderness is becoming scarce in modern relationships …rooted in the waning appreciation for ‘endearment’”
Amidst this mental voyage, a poignant fragment of my past experience surfaced, evoking unexpected tears. It was a rare, profoundly emotional memory—one where a woman tenderly ran her fingers through my hair.
Recalling the scene, I envisioned possibly being in a female barber's chair, engaged in casual chatter about her day while noticing a distinct pause, interrupted by the novel sensation of her gentle touch upon my scalp.
This touch, which was nothing more than a #2 clipper setting, evoked an uncanny blend of unfamiliarity and solace that lingered momentarily.
The peculiarity of the incident struck a chord within me. It had been a considerable span since someone ran their fingers through my hair, massaged my scalp, and how much we may overlook the sense of well-being and comfort this brings.
At some point in every boy's life, he has felt his mother's touch—be it during the painful ordeal of birth or in the bliss that follows once he emerges into the world. Even if it happens just once, that initial stroke of his mother's hand on his head leaves a profound imprint on his being.
From that moment onward, the path diverges. Regardless of the circumstances—the mother's nature, challenges, or any adversities—somewhere in his first days, the newborn male experiences the gentle caress of a woman's fingers on his scalp, fostering a sense of deep relaxation and euphoria.
This fleeting sensation becomes a quest for a lifetime, a search through the societal deserts for that primal touch that marked the beginning of his existence, a touch that seems increasingly elusive in today's world. Should the search extend too long, the memory might dim until, unexpectedly, it resurfaces, perhaps in the solace of a barber's chair.
The pursuit of such profound connection and tenderness is becoming scarce in modern relationships—fading in the realm of casual dating and even in many marriages. The erosion seems rooted in the waning appreciation for "endearment" and the values associated with the Hera Instinct in Western society, overshadowed by prevailing anti-Zeus ideologies and beliefs.
The 5th and final part of this series of five articles follows soon…
Scroll down to join the discussion
Disclaimer: This article is for information purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, legal advice, or other professional opinion. Never disregard such advice because of this article or anything else you have read from the Centre for Male Psychology. The views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of, or are endorsed by, The Centre for Male Psychology, and we cannot be held responsible for these views. Read our full disclaimer here.
Like our articles?
Click here to subscribe to our FREE newsletter and be first
to hear about news, events, and publications.
When a male is in a power imbalance, at least two masculine instincts are disempowered…
…people – men and women alike – respond less positively to male-favouring sex differences than they do to female-favouring sex differences.
hyper-masculine gender norms are typically embedded within military institutions, and while adherence to these norms can contribute to combat and military success, they conversely make clinical work challenging
Men might benefit greatly from a government strategy aimed at improving their health. Here are suggestions from the Centre for Male Psychology on how that might be done. This article ends with some comments on potential pitfalls in the process of putting this strategy in place.
…people – men and women alike – respond less positively to male-favouring sex differences than they do to female-favouring sex differences.
… many papers do not even bother to identify or justify the nationality of their samples…
hyper-masculine gender norms are typically embedded within military institutions, and while adherence to these norms can contribute to combat and military success, they conversely make clinical work challenging
There is social power, there is structural power, and there is physical power. What women have in our society is the power of the state behind them, and men do not. Men only have that physical power, and most men don’t want to use it
people are more aware of the fact men can be victims of this type of violence, but this often isn’t translated into policy, practice or indeed provision of resources
Therapists can work effectively with men experiencing distress without asking them to change. Telling them they are ‘doing masculinity wrong’ is judgemental and victim blaming.
Have you got something to say?
Check out our submissions page to find out how to write for us.
…people – men and women alike – respond less positively to male-favouring sex differences than they do to female-favouring sex differences.
There is social power, there is structural power, and there is physical power. What women have in our society is the power of the state behind them, and men do not. Men only have that physical power, and most men don’t want to use it
Masculinity may be just the tonic (remedy) needed by society at a time when it has recently suffered so many fractures.
“The place that people feel least free to speak their minds are oftentimes university, which I found absolutely stunning.”
Peer reviewers seem to be more accepting of my research on physiological differences between men and women (e.g., muscle fatigability) and less accepting of my research on psychological differences.
Generally speaking men’s humour is a good predictor of relationship satisfaction, as long as the woman appreciates it. A lot of studies show that men try to impress women with humour.
I was left with no doubt that men were struggling in myriad ways with stress and psychological illness – yet it has always been the discourse of the ‘desperate housewife’ that has attracted the most publicity, both in medicine and popular culture
…many professionals seem to interpret the evidence “most convicted child sex offenders are men”, as “children are more at risk from their father than their mother.
…people – men and women alike – respond less positively to male-favouring sex differences than they do to female-favouring sex differences.
IMD is not recognized by the UN because many believe we live in a patriarchal world and that the focus of the UN should be on women and children.
I’ve become curious why people, including very smart people with Ph.Ds, tend to leap at moralistic conclusions, adhere to them and consider them “science” when they are no such thing.
…critical gerontology focuses on the political-economic approach and consequently had a limited perspective on women and men: economically the former were seen as deprived and men privileged. Men were therefore disregarded.
…There is a reason why men who speak up on these issues tend to be retired or unemployed.
People depart a man in trouble [but as] soon as a man's got someone to talk to he will pour his heart out.
people are more aware of the fact men can be victims of this type of violence, but this often isn’t translated into policy, practice or indeed provision of resources
The brutality of the person's offence is generally related to the brutality of what they've experienced during childhood.
There is social power, there is structural power, and there is physical power. What women have in our society is the power of the state behind them, and men do not. Men only have that physical power, and most men don’t want to use it
90% of men in prisons have come from generational family violence… So when they're violent - which is what they've learned - we then perpetuate the violence by putting them in prison.
“I feel very strongly that the pendulum has swung too far, as it always does, the swing from a very male dominated patriarchal society to a very, very female dominated society where men …”
…the feminist movement has done inestimable damage to the mental health of boys and men. Making boys second class at school, teaching them that males are bad by nature and that women have suffered at the hands of men inevitably leads to boys feeling unhappy about themselves and adopting the unruly, delinquent behaviour which is expected of them.
Some people blame drill music – a form of rap - for the rising murder rate in London. Drill is known for aggressive lyrics about gang violence, but rather than seeing this as a valuable way for young men to express their feelings, some people want to ban it.
Gender scholars and activists were aghast a few years ago at the depiction of a feminist, in a documentary movie called The Red Pill, who unexpectedly learned to empathise with men. In a rare interview, director and star of The Red Pill, Cassie Jaye, reflects upon the impact the movie has had on herself and others.
.
Paul Dobransky
Dr Paul Dobransky is a psychiatrist based in the US, specializing in the psychology of love, work, and character growth. He is author of the book, The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love, from Penguin/Plume. Dr. Paul’s Substack.