A Comprehensive Model of Human Courtship Series: Step Two: The “Hera” and “Zeus” Instincts
This is the third in a series of articles by Dr Dobransky covering the phases of Sexual, Emotional, and Intellectual Attraction. The first article in the series can be found here and the second here.
Valentine’s Day is over and the initial thrill of meeting potential lovers has faded a bit, leaving us to wonder who really likes us for who we really are, and who was actually more of just a fling. Our series must now move on from step one of human courtship to step two.
We are still in the sexual attraction phase, where the man and woman become fully aware of the desire the other has for them. The passion is growing now, as never before.
Because we are in the “reptilian brain” (where the instincts of survival and reproduction are at work), the "passions" of each gender are best described by words we still use today: feeling passionate, sexy and excited to be alive are the same experience as being full of "masculinity" or "femininity."
“Her gift of “dominion over all the property of the world” is similar to a male feeling like “the king of the world” or feeling “like a million dollars.””
In this Sexual Attraction phase of courtship—which is one of three in the sequence— evolutionary psychology and Jungian psychology are perfect bedfellows addressing the same operative principle: the masculine and feminine instincts being “turned on” and “imprinted” on the other member of the budding couple.
To quote Scheller et al from their recent article Effects of Sexual and Romantic Attraction on Sex Differences in Partner Preferences:
“Notably, our results show that sexual and romantic attraction both help explain the maintenance of sex-specific mate preference differentiation. Self-reported preferences for all four partner traits were significantly or marginally significantly modulated by sex as well as either sexual or romantic attraction. Furthermore, the results support the notion that both forms of attraction can function independently…”
This article and quotation are referring to what I call Sexual Attraction and Emotional Attraction in Romantic Dynamics (When they refer to “Romantic Attraction” this is actually the second and third phases of courtship, Emotional Attraction and Intellectual Attraction, compacted into the term, “Romantic Attraction.”)
You may recall our story of Wtewael’s The Judgment of Paris located in the British National Gallery, which we have addressed from a Jungian perspective in the first two articles of this series. In this masterwork of painting, we find that the second most prized gift offered by the goddesses Aphrodite, Hera and Athena to the most desirable mortal bachelor in the world was the status and resources of Hera, wife of Zeus and “co-chief” of Mt Olympus.
Her gift of “dominion over all the property of the world” is similar to a male feeling like “the king of the world” or feeling “like a million dollars.”
Feeling of very high rank and value, which is a perfect complement to the first male instinct described by Seager et al, the “Provider/Protector” instinct in males, which I refer to by the Greek nomenclature perfectly aligned with it in myth, called The Zeus Instinct.
As it is throughout the Greek Pantheon, the familial relationships of the characters give us a clue to the steps of courtship in that the parallel masculine and feminine instincts active at each step bear uncanny traits and features to the husband/wife, brother/sister relationships of the deities.
In this case of step two, we must postulate a Hera Instinct in females that parallels the Zeus Instinct of the “Provider/Protector” archetype.”
With some observation of the phenomenology of new, budding couples it is easy to see in vivo how the Zeus and Hera Instincts interact in courtship. The tie between Jung, his predecessor, Freud—both with their predilection for mining ancient mythology for psychologic gold—and Evolutionary Psychology becomes clear in one, universal principle of the human experience of imprinting we all know as “The Oedipus Complex.”
This is the period of post-toddler time in childhood for boys when they “fall in love with their mother.” It is where she, in kind, treats him as her favorite boy in all the world, strokes his hair, and promises that someday he will grow up to be a man who finds himself a woman just like her.
He is attached to her, and in her presence at the right time of development and with the loving, maternal actions and spirit with which she provides them.
A switch is tripped in him where he will indeed, unconsciously, pursue a woman much like her all his life.
This is the Hera Instinct in action once such imprinting and attachment happen for the male in adult life. Step two of courtship sees the male finally “find his mother,” but not the entirety of her. Rather, it is only in this step of nine that she puts forth all the specifically maternal, admiring, caring, and especially preferential behaviors toward one suitor above all others in the vicinity.
Then the male feels “chosen” by the female from among the many, and this feeling is generative of passion in him, whose best synonym in him is also called “masculinity.”
Much like what is offered Paris by Hera in the story of The Judgment of Paris, the enticement to passion is feeling like Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic, feeling like “king of the world.”
Thus, the male has now appreciated the female’s physical beauty and symmetry in step one of courtship, but further impassioning him is being chosen by the female among many suitors as better, more special than them, as a boy once did in the arms of his mother.
Sometimes called the “Female Oedipus,” or “Electra Complex,” a girl also once “fell in love with her father,” and will seek to find him again in an adult man and peer in adult life one day.
In parallel to the male “Oedipus” is this, the Zeus Instinct, very similar to the “Protector/Provider” archetype, where the male does preferential actions benefitting the female (or simply displaying their potential for her).
“The female, having activated her Hera Instinct to nonverbally clue the male into knowledge that he is preferred over others, he is now free to express his Zeus Instinct”
This makes her notice that she is preferred among all females in the potential dating life of her preferred male.
Just as the female treats the male in all the very similar ways that a mother does of a beloved son, stroking his hair, hugging him, complimenting him on his best attributes and encouraging him with great faith over his worst deficits, the male in the Zeus Instinct now does this for the female.
Like a loving father, he hugs or cradles her, and in natural adult dating and social life—for all its new complexities—this is still at least where it is expected by both parties that initial intimate (but courteous) touch is expected by them both to naturally and organically occur.
If you ever wondered when and where it is expected that you first touch or hug, or kiss for the first time, it is when this step of courtship has arrived.
The female, having activated her Hera Instinct to nonverbally clue the male into knowledge that he is preferred over others, he is now free to express his Zeus Instinct with all the behaviors of a kind father who dotes over, protects, provides, provisions and expresses love for his daughter, through physical actions.
This second general step of sexual attraction is where the man and the woman really let each other know that they are valued and preferred. They "like each other," and there is now no doubt about that.
What this step adds to their passion for each other, and the sexual tension that will grow, is a kind of tenderness and individuality to their love story. They prefer each other, and that means that they are starting to know each other as individuals. Think of this step as where a couple might call each other, "baby." It is where there is a preferential treatment of each other over other potential mates, and it is a kind of tender charm with which they might treat each other "maternally" or "paternally," like a mother treats a son (like Hera) or a father treats a daughter (like Zeus.)
This step will also give us a clue into such future considerations as, "How will I be treated in a relationship with this person?" And, "What kind of mother or father will they be like to my children?"
The maternal and paternal behaviors of this step give a clue to what a future as a married couple living in the ever more inaccessible bliss of a happy family life could be.
It is my hope that a system such as this one could provide new hope for decoding the confusing modern world of dating and relationships, breakups and divorce. So that the latter do not have to occur when one knows each and every step and behavior that occurs in loving, lasting relationships determined by our ancient, evolutionary origins.
Whether you are married or single as you enjoy the springtime of the year in parallel with the “springtime of human courtship,” it is my hope that you will think of these two principles—the Hera and Zeus Instincts.
You’ll see them operating all around you in the verbal and nonverbal language of lovers, everywhere.
Join us in this ongoing series over the coming twelve months, covering the phases of Sexual, Emotional, and Intellectual Attraction as “three acts of our play,” each with three crucial, repeatable, reliable, measurable, statistically reliable “steps” that correlate with the emerging Evolutionary Psychology research.
I will respond to any questions about this new model through the coming year in the comments below, at romantipedia.substack.com, and at the location of the entire model explained at romantipedia.com.
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Disclaimer: This article is for information purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, legal advice, or other professional opinion. Never disregard such advice because of this article or anything else you have read from the Centre for Male Psychology. The views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of, or are endorsed by, The Centre for Male Psychology, and we cannot be held responsible for these views. Read our full disclaimer here.
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