Playful men have more romantic partners
Have you ever had the impression that boys are more playful than girls? Every school class has a jester, a male jester, right? In one of his songs, the Brazilian singer Luiz Gonzaga said “toda menina que enjoa da boneca/ é sinal de que o amor/ já chegou no coração” (“when a girl gets sick of dolls/ it is a sign that love/ has reached the heart”). With that, he highlighted that girls lose their interest in playing during their adolescence. On the other hand, boys apparently never lose interest in playing/games. Even the elderly would agree with Skank’s song about soccer: “posso morrer pelo meu time/ se ele perder, que dor, imenso crime/ posso chorar se ele não ganhar/ mas se ele ganha, não adianta/ não há garganta que não pare de berrar” (“I can die for my team/ if it loses, how painful, a huge crime/ I can cry if it does not win/ but if it wins, it can’t be helped/ there’s no throat capable of not shouting.”)
I have seen people using such differences as evidence that “girls mature faster than boys”. Usually, with some kind of moral tone about the superiority of girls, as if to say “why can’t boys be more like girls? The world would be so much better if they just stop fooling around and start acting as adults, as ‘real men’.” But as someone who play games, despite being an adult, I am not so sure non-playfulness is desirable.
No matter how hard we try to deny it, humanity is a playful species, even in adulthood. We play games, watch other people playing and talk about games more seriously than we talk about politics. We tell jokes, riddles, we mock and tease each other, playing with the meaning of words in such a way that would make even the most brilliant social scientist look like a fool. We are the Homo ludens.
But why is that so? The function of play is still a mystery. Its multiple forms make it difficult to even say what “play” means, and one of its forms is “playfulness”. Simply speaking, “playfulness” is defined as a personality trait in psychological literature: some people are more playful than others; some play all the time, others almost never. The way it works led evolutionary scientists to believe that, while child playfulness evolved as a way to enhance survival, adult playfulness evolved to enhance reproduction. In other words: playing is sexy!
“Being playful is one of the most desirable traits, apart from the ‘important’ ones, such as beautiful, intelligent and rich.”
If you ask Americans or Germans about how they wish their ideal long-term mate would be, being “playful” is one of the most desirable traits, apart from the ‘important’ ones, such as being beautiful, intelligent and rich. One theory about why this would be the case is the Signal Theory of Playfulness. Think this way: what is the most common type of play in the animal kingdom (that we can perceive at least)? Play fighting during youth!
In play fighting, one demonstrates aggression in such a controlled manner that no actual harm is done. There is plenty of evidence that men have anatomical and psychological adaptations to fighting. This is good because it was necessary to hunt and protect their kinship, but it could also be used in harmful ways. A woman who married a man just because he was strong enough to protect her could end up being killed by him if he becomes abusive. So, she needs some sign that he can fight to protect her and, at the same time, he can control his aggressiveness in order to never harm her, and playfulness can signify this.
On the other hand, since play is typical of youth, playful people would be perceived as younger than non-playful ones. Due to menopause, younger women have more reproductive value in the mating market. Therefore, it comes as no surprise that men seek beauty - i.e. signs of youthfulness - in women. However, since women can deceive men through make-up, clothes and other appearance modifiers, a behavioral sign of youthfulness would be desirable too.
Now, I have said this applies to Americans and Germans for long-term relationships. Does it also work for Brazilians? What about for short-term relationships? I tested such hypotheses in my article Adult playful individuals have more long- and short-term relationships. In it, I compared the number of short- and long-term relationships with the measured score of playfulness in the OLIW (Other-directed, Lighthearted, Intellectual, Whimsical) scale. This scale divides playfulness in four dimensions: 1) “Other-directed”, which is about using playfulness to make social interactions easier and more pleasant; 2) “Lighthearted”, which is about improvisation; 3) “Intellectual”, which is about having fun with complex ideas/tasks; 4) “Whimsical”, which is about liking to be an out-of-the-box person.
“Males who score higher in other-directed playfulness have more short- and long-term relationships. The effect was small [but]… who knows how much even this small effect could snowball into a huge difference throughout life?”
So, curious about the result? Males who score higher in other-directed playfulness have more short- and long-term relationships. The effect was small, so, don’t think being funny is enough to get you a lot of sex. But it seems to help nevertheless, especially if you are seeking a long-term relationship. To females, higher scores in whimsical playfulness predicted more short-term relationships. However, the effects for women were very small. According to traditional criteria, some would consider it negligible. On the other hand, we are talking about a personality trait, something that affects us during our whole life, so who knows how much even this small effect could snowball into a huge difference throughout life?
Therefore, it seems plausible that playful people are more attractive. Why do men feel attracted to have short-term relationships with whimsical women? That’s hard to answer. Maybe it’s just that whimsical women attract more attention or maybe it’s the other way around. Perhaps it’s because the traditional view of femininity depicts women as passive, romantic, and monogamic. So, women who have lots of short-term relationships see themselves as whimsical. Fact is we were not able to test if playful women are actually perceived as younger.
On the other hand, other-directed playfulness was almost three times as strong for males’ number of short-term relationships than whimsical playfulness was for females’, and twice as strong for males’ number of long-term relationships than for short-term. So, it seems males have good reasons to be playful in social situations.
But it is not as if everything men do is an attempt to attract women. We tested one hypothesis in this article: playful people have more romantic/sexual relationships. It could be that playful males have more friends, who introduce them to more females. In my masters degree dissertation, more playful females play games (video games, sports etc) more often than non-playful ones, but playfulness has no correlation with male gaming. Further, gaming has no correlation with number of relationships for either sex (which indicates it’s false the assumption that gamers are socially withdrawn virgins). Thus, playfulness might serve to attract mates, while gaming has another purpose. In my next research project, I hope to find out if this other purpose could be about making friendships.
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Disclaimer: This article is for information purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, legal advice, or other professional opinion. Never disregard such advice because of this article or anything else you have read from the Centre for Male Psychology. The views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of, or are endorsed by, The Centre for Male Psychology, and we cannot be held responsible for these views. Read our full disclaimer here.
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Dr Yago Luksevicius de Moraes
Dr. Yago is a Brazilian psychologist and professor at Fundação Santo André. He focuses on basic research in evolutionary psychology, male psychology, gaming, competition, and methodology. He collaborates on a gaming disorder research project coordinated by Integrated Outpatient Program for Impulse Disorders (PROAMITI). He is the author of newsletters Psicoandrologia (Portuguese) / Psychoandrology (English), and the YouTube channels Psicoandrologia and Psicologia científica.