Young men need authentic values, not influencers
The contemporary world offers infinite resources to fill the void in peoples’ lives. Aristotle warned us that “nature abhors a vacuum”. Yet, as we now know, those resources have also created areas of opportunity for the cunning manipulator. This can be very entertaining online, but it brings a novel threat to the developing minds of adolescents. In this article I want to speak to young males directly about a particular threat to their long-term mental health, sense of fulfilment and life satisfaction. The threat can be seen in the recent activity by men like Andrew Tate and many others.
“we all know that young people enter a rebellious phase, and we should limit the damage they can do to their lives during this phase.”
The popularity of these figures is a backlash from the irresponsible use of the term ‘toxic masculinity’ which has been increasingly used worldwide. These men are feeding off the anxieties of young men who see the term “toxic masculinity” in movies, textbooks, magazines, all over social media and even from within their immediate network. The term creates a void within the undeveloped male, they are driven to fill the void.
Aside from the complex psychological mechanisms I will get to below, we all know that young people enter a rebellious phase, and we should limit the damage they can do to their lives during this phase. Enabled by social media, the impact from socially belligerent public figures is now reaching older and ‘low status’ men too, often resulting in – or fuelling - hostility toward females. This has significant consequences in people’s daily lives and spreads to the wider society and their immediate support network. This issue has come up repeatedly in my private counselling practice.
Here is a paraphrased example of in-session conversations I have had with several female clients recently:
Me: If your boyfriend is behaving very out of character, is it possible he is being influenced by someone else?
Female client: Oh yes, I know he is, he watches YouTube videos of Andrew Tate all the time.
Here we have a young woman who will face a choice: capitulate to the dysfunctional ideas her partner has learned, or leave the relationship. In two cases the inevitable break-up was traumatic for the male partner. In one case he went on a gym binge and total denial through deflection from his mistakes. In another, the man returned weeks later and admitted he had gone down a dark path after his father passed away. Integrating the archetype of the ‘father’ into their psyche is a life-stage transition that many men deflect from by adopting distractions. The void remains, often into middle age.
“I want to speak to young men directly: you are being used, consumed, and misled into a self-destructive path […] Consumers are ultimately consumed”.
In other cases, men have asked me what I think of these public figures, which suggests a need for other perspectives on what it is to be a healthy, thriving man. It also reveals the void into which the cunning manipulator will insert himself. Nature abhors a vacuum. Perhaps other men have failed to stand up and fill this void? I want to speak to young men directly: you are being used, consumed, and misled into a self-destructive path.
The essential flaw in the belligerent male ‘social influencer’ sales pitch is that their ‘success’ is predicated on consumption, dominance, and subjugation of others. It is vulnerable, shallow and without substance. Its mocks the authentic potential inherent in masculine energy. Consumers are ultimately consumed. Anything that relies on those three factors to survive is carrying a deadly virus; it is called existential guilt. When we act purely in response to external incentives and rewards, we surrender our autonomy to that force. A loss of autonomy has a catastrophic impact on your mental health. Instead, we urgently need to promote healthy male role models who exhibit creative ways to exercise masculinity in noble ways. These are seen in the iconic figures we see in many hero roles; they rise to action to defend their loved ones, overcome tyranny, or protect the freedom of others. These behaviours serve a greater good. However, the danger here is that men choose to sacrifice themselves completely to the ‘greater good’, while others sacrifice their bodies for entertainment of others through life-threatening sports. Not all men can or should rise to these all-consuming roles. Depending on their innate capacity, many will seek to escape them at all costs, others will discover innovative ways to fulfil their masculine drive while developing themselves in a sustainable, pro-social way.
“As these influencers implode, young men have an opportunity to find ways to help them learn authentic values”.
An overcorrection to socially imposed duties or incentives can become destructive if there is a lack of self-awareness and effective role models. Men simply cannot fill the void within by focusing on external incentives alone. Predictably, the popularity of Tate and others has been eroded by recent events. As these influencers implode, young men have an opportunity to find ways to help them learn authentic values. A special mention must go to the men who started The Minimalists who, although not a male focused project, provide all the guidelines needed for males to abandon socially imposed duties and begin a journey of self-awareness.
“In the end, rather than trying to fill the void, they can embrace their innate masculinity and direct its energy toward creation.”
Masculine-friendly therapy can help men recognise their innate capacity and unique values, make better choices, and thrive. This approach increases autonomy and is not at the expense of others. It does not depend on subjugation or sustained dominance, therefore it does not generate existential guilt. While females create life within, males are creators in the material world. We built the world you see around you, women created life for us all. But a man who leaves a void within surrenders himself to external forces that will enslave him to a life of utility, inadvertently making himself disposable. Men who engage a process of self-discovery by challenging themselves; comparing themselves to themselves rather than to others, who seek knowledge, limit consumption, exercise creativity, utilise their bodies and answer the call of the masculine spirit within; can develop better values that lead to better choices and better outcomes. This journey creates a fulfilled, purposeful, inspiring life for themselves and others. In the end, rather than trying to fill the void, they can embrace their innate masculinity and direct its energy toward creation.
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Disclaimer: This article is for information purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, legal advice, or other professional opinion. Never disregard such advice because of this article or anything else you have read from the Centre for Male Psychology. The views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of, or are endorsed by, The Centre for Male Psychology, and we cannot be held responsible for these views. Read our full disclaimer here.
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Vincent Deboni
Vincent is a Counsellor working online from Sweden. After 21 years as an entrepreneur, he was drawn to study psychology in midlife. He has written previously about men in mental health crisis and the challenges parents have with youth who ask uncomfortable questions around existential crises.