Let’s Cultivate Resilience Before It Becomes a Lost Skill
In the Britain I once knew, the process of growing up meant gaining a measure of toughness learned through life’s ups and downs. To have that ‘stiff upper lip’ involves shedding the weaknesses and fears of childhood by acquiring the skills required to take care of yourself as you mature.
“Perhaps that would be the greatest triumph of this woke generation: to inveigle us into believing that victimhood is empowering”.
That mindset, unfortunately, is being abandoned – or more accurately, a newer mindset is being dictated upon us by an entitled and pampered section of society obsessed with microaggressions and moral superiority. It’s a generation intent on transitioning from the tried and true ‘rub-some-dirt-on-it’ mentality to the woke-age approach of achieving sympathy and power all at once by swaddling in a blanket of victimhood. Perhaps that would be the greatest triumph of this woke generation: to inveigle us into believing that victimhood is empowering.
The harsh truth is that everyone faces adversity, but it’s how you deal with it that ultimately moulds your moral character and defines the level of resilience you can apply to difficult situations as you grow.
In our brave new world overwhelmed with an indulgence of pity-seekers, resilience is becoming less and less likely to be a genetic trait passed down to the next generation. I say this only slightly facetiously because while scientists contend that resilience is certainly influenced by genetic factors, there is also a host of research indicating that an individual's resilience is influenced by a combination of genetics, personal history, environment, and situational context.
“Resilient people do not let adversity define them, because they have been conditioned to perceive bad times as a temporary situation.”
Resilience is a trait that is partially inherited and partially cultivated. And if, with the vicissitudes of life, that cultivation element of resilience is eliminated, that leaves a gaping hole in the ability of an individual to deal with life’s challenges.
Resilient people do not let adversity define them, because they have been conditioned to perceive bad times as a temporary situation. The belief that resilient people have in themselves fortifies their mental strength and allows them to see a clearer way through the bad times, while dynamically understanding that they will emerge from these challenging times more psychologically capable to face the next adversity. This is not conjecture; it’s science.
A 2015 study – on psychological resistance among women exposed to trauma – identified two key factors linked with resilience: social support and mastery. Social support is self-explanatory; the researchers observed that individuals who reported strong support structures were less likely to develop psychiatric disorders and more likely to recover from them if they did. Mastery, on the other hand, was slightly less intuitive. In the study, mastery is defined as the degree to which individuals perceive themselves as having control and influence over their own circumstances – their (learned) ability to cope with challenging circumstances. So while we can’t necessarily control our social structures, we can boost our resilience by developing a stronger sense of mastery in our own lives.
But it’s not just social support and mastery that can foster resilience. A 2019 study suggests that gender is a factor that contributes to resilience among traumatised individuals, and that men generally have a higher level of resilience than women.
Men end up getting less empathy as compared to women – who communicate more, so earning more empathy than men. Women tend to use their support systems while men use a more isolated means to achieve resilience. This difference substantiates the need for a gender-specific social support structure.
Still, regardless of gender, the strength of a person’s moral character and the value of their life will never be defined by the challenges they encounter, but rather, how they overcome them. Children growing up in an abusive home can have considerable harm inflicted upon them, but their responses to this adversity – repeated over years of abuse – becomes an inherent part of their character and can potentially manifest as a lasting moral strength.
Ultimately, our society will be motivated by this type of hope and perseverance rather than by the victimhood mentality that only distracts us from more pressing issues.
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Disclaimer: This article is for information purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, legal advice, or other professional opinion. Never disregard such advice because of this article or anything else you have read from the Centre for Male Psychology. The views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of, or are endorsed by, The Centre for Male Psychology, and we cannot be held responsible for these views. Read our full disclaimer here.
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hyper-masculine gender norms are typically embedded within military institutions, and while adherence to these norms can contribute to combat and military success, they conversely make clinical work challenging
hyper-masculine gender norms are typically embedded within military institutions, and while adherence to these norms can contribute to combat and military success, they conversely make clinical work challenging
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Dennis Relojo-Howell
Dennis Relojo-Howell is the founder and managing director of Psychreg.