Five steps to better mental health for men
More and more men complain of stress and of problems that can be signs of psychological issues. Depression, anxiety, negative self-image, the feeling of not being enough, listlessness and loneliness are the most important problems. In the last year, more than 30% of all men in Germany had a mental disorder requiring treatment. Due to restrictions related to the Covid-19 pandemic, anxiety disorders in particular have increased in the population. Men are often affected particularly by addictions, anxiety and depression.
Yet men can do a lot to improve their mental health. As a psychotherapist, I have treated many men in the last 30 years. I have noticed again and again how much men think they have to do it themselves, alone, without any input from others. They see it as a strength, have been brought up in this way and see no other way. It is a real strength to be well connected with friends with whom you not only talk about football and women, but also about your innermost issues and problems. And it’s a very important strength is to get help when you need it. It is important to ask for help earlier rather than late. But late is better than not at all. Professional therapy is available, sometimes for free (via the NHS in the UK).
The five steps to becoming mentally fit and healthy again
If you’ve been impacted by too much stress, follow these five steps to get on the road to recovery:
1. Identify the problem
What are your problems, what is going wrong? Ask yourself and write it down, be open and ruthlessly honest. Maybe you've been working too much for many years. Or you absolutely want to please everyone, be perfect, and get praise. Many men have fears, especially of women, because they are verbally stronger, because they could deprive you of the children or because you are afraid of sexual failure. Whatever it is, make your situation clear, write everything down, and then find someone to talk to about it. If you're lucky, it's a good, trusting, friend who can keep a secret. Or find a psychotherapist who knows what to do and can help you. Make sure the therapist feels right for you. Do a trial session.
2. Show yourself!
If you know what your problems are, find someone you trust! Take your time and talk to this person about what it looks like inside you. Also talk about the things that no one knows about you yet - your fears, your secrets. Are you often desperate, feel things are hopeless - do you think of suicide? If your problems are in your relationship, talk to someone about it. Do you think about ending your relationship? Or can't you find a partner who suits you? If you open up and show your inner self, , you will feel a little better. Opening up is the important first step.
3. Build something new!
Once you have taken the first step, take the next step. Check with your friend or therapist to see what you want to change first. Think about how to do what you need. Let us advise you! Give it a try! Look at the roots of your problem, how long has it all been like this? Did the problem already exist in your childhood and youth? The most important thing now is that you feel your energy to change. Think about what you've done in life, when you've had the most energy. Think about your strengths, even if they are not obvious to you at the moment. These are your resources for change.
4. Get started!
If you know what it is you want to change, start with that. What kind of person are you? Do you like to dive in the deep end or do things gradually? Do what you feel is right for you. It is important that you start and do not stay in your comfort zone any longer. Try out new experiences. Open up more, notice more how you feel, keep focused on your goals, put your goals first because you know they are good for you. Put yourself first! You are the most important person in your life. Talk to your coach or therapist about your goals.
5. Don't stop!
The most important thing about change is perseverance. So don't give up at the first hurdle, keep on going! This is training for psychological fitness. It basically works the same way as training for physical fitness. Practice, practice, practice, and then marvel at your own progress. And if progress falters or you fall back into old patterns of behaviour, that’s no problem – pick yourself up and start all over again. Falling down is not bad, but getting up again is crucial. When you have achieved your goals, celebrate, preferably with others, but alone is also okay. You should now feel what is inside you - your energy, your power. Make your change sustainable and irreversible!
I wish you every success and boundless energy in taking these 5 steps!
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Disclaimer: This article is for information purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, legal advice, or other professional opinion. Never disregard such advice because of this article or anything else you have read from the Centre for Male Psychology. The views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of, or are endorsed by, The Centre for Male Psychology, and we cannot be held responsible for these views. Read our full disclaimer here.
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Michael Klein
Prof. Dr. Michael Klein, psychological psychotherapist in his own practice in Cologne. Author and expert in men's issues, mental health and addiction prevention.